First relationships are a life-changing experience. They can be great or well, even not that great. They’re an important part of everyone’s lives because they teach you things about maturity, red-flags, communication and even yourself. They are a yardstick we all cross at some point and after we do, we often wish we’d done things differently. So, we asked Malini’s Girl Tribe what they would tell their past selves before getting into their first relationship and the responses were wholesome, empowering and powerful. If you’re somebody who’s about to enter your first or even a new relationship, these will definitely help you (and also probably save you from some pain).
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9 Things You Should Know Before Getting Into Your First Relationship:
1. Put Yourself First, Always
Samantha Jones once said, “I love you, but I love me more” and it was a game-changer. In your relationship, remember that while they are important, you are a priority. You should put your needs first and not let them take you for granted. Never let them talk (or walk) over you, subdue you or make you feel small in anyway. Be strong. Additionally, you should not be assertive to the extent of dominating and insulting your partner either!
2. They Are Not Worth Losing Your Friends Over
Girlfriends and boyfriends come and go, but your friends are forever (or at least a couple of years longer). Either we have, or someone we know has pushed friends away while being in a relationship, and it’s never a good thing. Especially if your significant other is the one pushing for it, that is a giant red-flag! Your friends are your personal safety net, and they can see what you cannot when it comes to your relationship. They hype you up, support you and also tell you if something is wrong. They know you better than your partner. Instead of isolating from them you should make them more familiar with your significant other! As the Spice Girls said, “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends!”.
3. Don’t Change Yourself To Suit Them
They want you to stop quoting Schitt’s Creek? Boy, bye. If they don’t like you for who you are, with all your traits, peeves and quirks, they are not worth it. You should never feel the need to change yourself to suit their image of you. 10/10 women can attest to the fact that this will just lead to long-term insecurities and set you off on a path to losing yourself. Your partner should want to be with you for who you are, not who they want you to be.
4. The World Will Not End If The Relationship Does
The world will probably end because of COVID-19, but definitely not your break-up. The fear of your relationship ending often makes us drag it out and put up with a lot of unfairness and toxicity. Eventually, this will only harm (and possibly even traumatise) you. Your first relationship will not be your last and will not be “the end of the world”. No, your life will not be over nor will it be devoid meaning without your relationship. In fact, many women agree that their first relationship actually helped their future ones because they learnt so much from them!
5. Be Gentle, Honest & Kind To Them
It is important they treat you well and equally important that you do too (especially if it’s their first relationship). If they don’t like Game of Thrones, don’t shame them and force them to watch it with you! Instead, calmly explain to them why it’s the best show ever and help them see the logic. Be nice, gentle and caring towards them. Treat them with kindness. Be understanding and accepting to their needs. If you are initiating a breakup, let them down gently instead of opting for the popular “ghosting” method. Be open, loyal and honest with them throughout.
6. Take It Slow
We cannot stress this enough! Always take your first relationship slow and steady. When you first date someone, you’re still learning how to really “be” with someone and you shouldn’t rush into it. Especially when it comes to the physical part of it, take is (very) slow. You need to establish complete trust before being physical with them, whether it’s a kiss or something more (especially if it’s something more). It’s also important to speak up if you think they are rushing you or your relationship is going too fast.
7. Trust Your Gut Instinct
If your gut tells you something is off, trust it. At any point in your first relationship, if you feel the vibe is off, tell your partner about it and clear it up. Chances are it could be all in your head, but there is a possibility it won’t. It really is best to just be open about it and talk it out. However, know when to draw a line. You don’t want to turn into a paranoid person living in constant doubt and fear!
8. They Don’t Have To Be Your One-True-Love
Your first relationship doesn’t have to be your only one! Yes, some people do get very lucky and find their soul mate in their first relationship, but it’s completely okay to well… not. In fact, it may end up being a stepping stone in your quest for true love. Your first relationship may not pan out like a Disney movie, but an Anurag Kashyap one at best, and that is completely alright!
9. Adopt A Dog Instead
They’re loyal, they shower you with unconditional love, they’re always there for you, they’re obsessed with you and they will bring you nothing but happiness. Why are we even bothering with dating people? Really, why?
First relationships are a milestone in everybody’s lives, and a lot can be learnt from them. What is the one piece of advice you could give to yourself before dating someone for the first time? Share it with us in the comments below!
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